Self-esteem is very important. It is the way we view and feel about ourselves that has a profound effect on
how we live our lives. These opinions are shaped by experiences within the family, at school, from friendships and in wider
society. Self-esteem involves our ability to think, to deal with life and to be happy. Self-esteem is not so much how people
view you, but how you view yourself.
From infancy we look for encouragement and approval. Yet our culture does not readily give this.
Parents can be tough taskmasters in seeking the best for their children. Young people have a tendency to be intolerant or
indifferent and often mock their peers who are clever or hard working. There is a constant bombardment of messages telling
us we should be young, slim, beautiful, fashionably dressed, have a lover and money to spend. Even when we have pride in our
ability and pride in ourselves, this can be regarded as being arrogant, boastful or conceited.
Rejection or loss at any age is likely to undermine self-esteem. Events like parents separating, an unsuccessful
business deal, having an accident, a burglary or coping with a death are likely to provoke feelings of loss and threat. For
some this is temporary, whilst for others the effects are longer-lasting.
On the other hand success is a great ego booster, and academic achievement can be an obvious signal of success.
However a competitive environment can easily lead to self-doubt and insecurity. You may even feel that other people over-estimate
your ability and this burden of expectation can lead to a sense of failure and impossibility.
However, what we feel about ourselves is not based solely on what we do. It usually involves our relationships
with others and whether we feel worthwhile as people. We have a basic human need to be wanted, noticed, and included. We want
to contribute, to be of value, and make a difference - in other words, to matter.
Our self-esteem will continually fluctuate and is affected by events and encounters with other people. We
are also constantly judging and evaluating ourselves, often in comparison with others. Observing ourselves in relation to
other people can be a helpful source of learning and feedback. Yet all too often comparison slips into competition and others
become a yardstick by which we evaluate ourselves as good or bad, competent or inadequate.
The reality is we are all different. Each of us has strengths and limitations which we need to learn about
and learn to live with. There are aspects of our behaviour and appearance we may seek to change or develop, but a sense of
self is also based on self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Change is not easy. It means stepping into the unknown and taking a risk. Inevitably this means that some
initiatives you take will work well, whilst others don”t work out as you hoped. You can help yourself by being realistic
in your choices and seeing each success as a step in the right direction. This is why realistic goal setting is important.
Mark Claridge specializes in teaching motivational and self-development skills. In his new FREE e-book "Mindset
and Match" he covers amongst other subjects how having the correct mindset can bring you all you want out of life and is available
at http://www.inthe6th.com.
Article from www.jvsaticles.com
Forgiving is Divine
but Forgetting is Something Else By Sally Santana, National Coordinator of International Forgiveness Day. See http://www.forgivenessday.org/forgiveness_day.htm
My mom taught me early on that “forgive
and forget” went together like Rachmaninoff and joy. I found out later in life that wasn’t true.
To forgive is good, a necessity. It
heals your body, soul, mind and spirit. Forgetting is optional and should only be done when failing to remember would put
you or another at risk for harm of any kind. To do otherwise invites victimization and you don’t want to go there.
Fearful that her little daughters
would face the same horrors of abuse she did as a child, mom would move us if she even thought she saw her brothers or uncles.
We would leave our apartment in the middle of the night with one suitcase each and head to the bus station. There, she would
put all the money she had on the counter and get us tickets to the farthest place the funds would take us. We would end up
camped out outside the doors of the first church she found at the new destination. The sacrifices and hardship she went through
to protect us, I can only imagine. She loved us very much. We stopped running when we were of an age that we could protect
ourselves, and each other.
Eventually she understood that God
may forget someone’s transgressions – that was between them and their Maker - but it was her duty to protect her
kids.
She learned that she could forgive
them for what they did, but to forget would be devastating.
You may wonder, “How do I know
I’ve truly forgiven someone? What does it look and feel like?” The best response I’ve heard, and I’ve
found it to be true in my life, is that you know you’ve forgiven someone when they have safe passage through your mind.
That is, you can think of the person or the event and you don’t have a five-alarm response in your body.
To forgive doesn’t mean you
condone or approve of what happened. It doesn’t mean that you don’t seek justice. It does mean that you choose
to release yourself from the emotional rollercoaster that negatively impacts your whole being.
Think about how you feel physically
when you are experiencing anger, fear, resentment, grief, or sadness - all factors of unforgiveness. Your body pumps chemicals
into your system that research has shown, over time, can erode your immune system, impact your heart and blood pressure, and
actually cause you to gain weight.
Everett L. Worthington, Jr., one of
the world’s pre-eminent researchers on forgiveness says, in an article titled, “The Science of Forgiveness”
(Fall 2004
issue of “Greater Good”
magazine), that forgiveness is something that people can learn to do.
The person who hurt you may never
know you did it; you’re doing it for you, not for them. It can give you your life back, and give you back to your family
and community. We need you.
Forgiveness heals!
Sally Santana writes
a religion column for The Sun, out of Bremerton, WA. Since January 2003 her column has been carried by Scripps Howard News
Service, and can be read all over the country. Contact Sally at
sally.santana@wavecable
21 Days to a Positive-Attitude
Habit ©Copyright 2004 Patricia Wagner
This may come as a surprise... but your attitude is more important than
your aptitude in determining your success in life!
Just how critical is attitude to achievement? Well, take a look at one
of the greatest inventors of the last two hundred years - Thomas Edison. Every time you turn on a light switch, you experience
the result of his persistence in the face of continuous failure.
Edison tried 10,000 times to get his light bulb invention to work, but
failed each time. However, he had this to say about his lack of success. "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that
won't work."
You can learn to have this kind of outlook on life, but it needs to
be purposefully installed into your daily living.
You probably know it takes about 21 days to break a habit by replacing
it with a new one. If you are plagued with persistent negative thoughts toward life, you can replace this mindset with a new
positive-attitude habit!
Here is a 21-day five-step program to change a negative attitude to
a positive one.
1.
Take charge of what you're thinking.
This is a moment-by-moment decision that doesn't happen overnight. It's a habit that will take some time to build. How can
you do this? Choose to think uplifting thoughts instead of discouraging ones. You get to decide what you think, which in turn
determines how you feel. Become aware of this and dwell on positive ideas throughout the day. At first you may have to force
yourself to find something positive. Consider keeping a journal and write down at least one good thing in your life each day
for three weeks. Then think about these blessings instead of discouraging thoughts.
2.
Read inspirational material. During
this 21-day training period, fill your mind with good thoughts. The best book of all to read is that priceless diamond of
world literature - the Bible. You'll never know what wonderful results from reading it are around the corner until you open
its covers!
3.
Focus on others. For the next 21
days make an extra effort to help other people. Concentrating on assisting others will help you more than you realize. If
you succeed in becoming wealthy but are poor in respect to your relationships, you will not be truly prosperous at all! So
make a special effort of focusing on others during your 21 days of building your new positive-attitude habit. This will free
you up to allow the butterfly of happiness to land on your shoulder when you least expect it.
4.
Take care of your health needs. It's
hard to maintain a positive mindset if you've neglected your physical needs. So during the 21 days of your attitude retraining
make an extra effort to eat nutritious balanced meals. Not getting enough sleep will also be a tremendous hindrance, so make
sure you're getting adequate rest. And don't forget to get enough exercise. When you feel down, try to take a brisk 30-minute
walk. You'll feel revived!
5.
Learn contentment. For the next
21 days focus on what you have and not on what you don't have. Live in the present and enjoy your blessings. Try to forget
acquiring stuff for the purpose of keeping up with others. That only leads to more anxiety. Be thankful for what you do have
instead.
When going through difficult experiences - remember that adversity can
be a blessing in disguise. You might learn some important lessons during those tough times - like Thomas Edison did. (I know
I have.) These lessons can turn into credentials that will enable you to help others when they're going through tough times.
So don't let negativity ruin your present and future. Instead, build a new habit of having a positive attitude. It will take
about 21 days to start seeing consistent changes in the way you think, but it will be worth it! Now choose the starting date
for your attitude-renewal adventure and go for it! How about today?
Patricia Wagner offers informative tips on living a
more energetic lifestyle at http://www.a-to-z-wellness.com and through her free "A to Z Health Tips" newsletter. Contact Patricia at wagner.art@verizon.net
